The Swimsuit Quest

While on my Mom-cation this past weekend, I ventured out into the world of swimsuit shopping.

Oh, how I detest swimsuit shopping.

I swam competitively growing up so I never really did any actual swimsuit shopping until my college years. All the years preceding my 20's I simply threw on the nearest Speedo swimsuit my mother had purchased that season and hit the pool.

Those days are gone, my friend, and now I have to attempt to wage the waters of "tankinis", "halter-styles", and find peace between the eternal battle of the "Two piece vs. the One Piece".

Let us all be realistic for a moment and acknowledge that swimsuits (perhaps with the exception of this) are made for about 2% of the population, despite the fact that most styles come in size 0-22. The rest of us in the 98% are left wondering the aisles of stores attempting to figure out how and why we are going to stuff ourselves into a six inch piece of Lycra material that, despite its name, will not perform any miracle on our bodies.

My list of expectations for a swimsuit include the following:

1. It can not be classified as being "String" in any form or fashion

2. It must be able to withstand the fierce tugs, pulls, and grips of two eager children

3. It must not cause a stir in the kiddie pool due to its graphic nature or wardrobe malfunction ability

4. It must not contain so much fabric that I risk the chance of drowning every time I jump in the pool.

5. It must not cost three figures.

6. It must not reveal to the world that despite an aggressive ab workout that is done daily, I have a round little tummy. (Did I just say that on the Internet?)

7. It must not have any wording across my backside that reads "Angel" or "Cutie" or any thing that is going to draw attention to such an area.

8. It must be cute.

I do not feel such desires are ridiculous or the impossible dream, however The Swimsuit Makers of the World have darn near made meeting such requirements impossible. I am not asking for the end to nuclear threats or an answer for global warming...I simply want a cute, decent, child-tolerant swimsuit.

Anyone know of such a creature?

***
The children have both said some funny stuff these past few days. Yesterday afternoon after naps the three of us walked up to our local shopping/eating area. We were lounging around a fountain when I noticed two young, evangelical men approaching us. It was too late to hide and even if we could have, Evelyn would have given our location away by her loud protests of having to leave the water.

So, I smiled politely when they approached us and began talking about their church.

I explained (again politely) that we have a church home, that we love Jesus, and that we did not think we needed the postcard sized trac/picture of Jesus they wanted to give me.

As they turned to leave, Isaac exclaimed quite loudly in dismay, "Mommy, why don't you want a picture of Jesus?"

Nice.

***
On the way to pick up Isaac from preschool this afternoon, Evelyn informed me her eye was itchy. I told her to gently pat it and it should feel better.

This is the response I got:

"My eye itchy. Take me to hos-pi-tal."

I kind of laughed and said that I thought she would be okay and a hospital visit was not necessary today.

Well...Evelyn then proceeded to yell "My eye itchy! Take me to Hos-pi-tal NOW!" No go Isaac school!" for the next five minutes as we drove to preschool.

She is such a delicate thing, that Miss E.

***
While writing this post, I did come across this website. Am contemplating an order right now...