ABC's Good Morning America has been doing a series based on the book The Mommy Wars. The Mommy Wars is a series of essays composed by a variety of moms--stay-at-homes, working, single, crazy, etc. Our local public library has this book on order and I have it in my reserve box. I am quite eager to read this collection of thoughts on being a mommy now that I am one. If you take Parents magazine, there is an essay in this month's issue from the book.
So Diane Sawyer has been hosting this series on The Mommy Wars. On Thursday of last week she had a panel of women, some stay-at-home and others working. Snippy comments toward the "opposing party" were few, but as typical for women the talk did get a little catty. My personal opinion regarding at home vs. working is that if you are being the best parent that you can be--whether working or being at home--then marvelous. I know some incredibly involved working mothers and I know of some crappy stay-at-home moms (not personally--just in rumor). This eternal debate was not what struck a cord with me. It was when the topic of "What will the stay at home mom do if/when she gets a divorce?" that really hit a nerve. The basic thinking was that all stay-at-home moms should have a back-up plan in case of divorce. On the panel was a mother and her adult daughter. The mother divorced around the age of 60 and was forced to re-enter the workplace after countless years of staying home. The adult daughter was now a stay-at-home mom who skipped out on finishing her education to mommy full-time. The mother was attempting to convey to the daughter that she needed a back-up plan for if/when she divorced her spouse.
Uhhhh.....where was that mother years ago when she should have been teaching her daughter about commitment, relationship building, and choosing a mate? I am not debating divorce in this post because that gets really sticky really fast and it's not my place to speak. However, where did the concept of parents preparing their children for life--work, marriage, social interactions---fade into parents assuming the worst and attempting to equip the child with a mere survival kit (underage drinking at home in attempt of preventing it elsewhere, bailing out of school problems, assuming child's marriage will end)? Dr. Phil (he might have become a bit of a sell-out, but his philosophy is incredibly sound and has a scientific base) says you should not think of parenting as "raising children" but rather as "raising adults." What do you want this child to be like as an adult? Those are the things you focus on during the formative years of childhood.
Perhaps this mother did teach her daughter about how to make a marriage work and about mate selection. I was incredibly disappointed that the talk of this panel turned to "Divorce preparedness 101". I wish Diane would have stuck with how stay-at-home moms do need a back-up plan in case of the death or disability of the working spouse, not because of divorce. I hate that divorce was presented as the standard reality for today's marriage.
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In perkier news, I am going to indulge in a blog tag and list five quirks. However, these are not my quirks because you could be here all day reading and reading and reading. These are five of Isaac's current quirks:
1. Whenever awake, Isaac either has his toes curled or is flexing his feet. I think it must mean he is concentrating incredibly hard on the task at hand. When something requires a great deal of concentration, he also sticks his tongue out to the side just a bit. Someone else in the Phillips' household does this, but he shall remain nameless.
2. Isaac might have to attend "Gerber Veggie Puffs Annoymous". He is addicted to these star-shaped puffs. We are working on self-feeding and table food (by "we" I do mean Isaac. Tobe and I already figured out the table food thing. The universal "we" habit is from years of teaching). Isaac gets incredibly excited when I get out the can of Puffs. He has figured out how to pick them up and put them in his mouth. However, since they dissolve quickly to prevent choking, the puffs also tend to stick to wet surfaces such as baby's hands or cheeks. This brings on a look of confusion for Isaac when he thinks he has successfully put the puff into his mouth, starts to chew, and then realizes there is no puff. I however always get a giggle from seeing a puff on the side of his sweet face.
3. Isaac had a goal of being able to reach his mobile while in the crib. About a month ago he figured out that the monkey's tail was long enough for him to reach up and grab. He could then make the mobil fall to the side by pulling on the tail, thus creating easy access to all the other animals on the mobile. This usually occurred upon waking from a nap. Well, that goal is no more because on Monday Isaac must have become a bit too excited about grabbing the monkey's tail because he broke the mobile poll in half. The sad mobile now sits in the floor of my bedroom waiting to see if superglue can heal its wounds. What Isaac doesn't know is that his mother is a bit over-the-top regarding the concept that things must match. I did not register for the nice bright mobiles that supposedly stimulate the mind of the infant. Nope. I had to get one that went perfectly with the room. That mobile is now discontinued.
4. Isaac has three ways of examining an object. First he usually shakes it, because he loves making noise. Second he will hold the object with one hand while flicking his fingers over it with the other. Finally he will rotate his wrist back and forth, while holding the object. This is very amusing to watch.
5. When getting his diaper changed, Isaac likes to hold a small tupperware container filled with safety pins (keep those in the changing table to put dirty socks together with so they don't lose a mate during laundry time) and a bottle of something (lotion, bottom paste, etc). Sometimes he will just hold his hairbrush, but he prefers to have something in each hand during the diapering process.
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Finally, I need bluebonnets! Now that I am not working outside of the house, I don't travel the roads as much. Anyone know of a great--and safe (I am too klutzy to attempt to take my child's picture on the side of 635)--place for bluebonnets?
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9 comments:
There is a huge bluebonnet and Indian Blanket field in Solana behind that building our church used to meet in. You have to do a little hiking to get there, but well worth it. On the opposite side of the field is some beautiful landscaping with tons of trees, a little stream and big rocks to sit on. It's very hard to describe how to get there... just park where we used to and start walking around those buildings.
I thought there was a sign that said to "Stay off Grass" there. I fear being arrested and my child having to be raised in prison. However, you are a law-abiding citizen so I will assume you have done this and it was okay. You might be my one phone call if arrested!
I have so many things to say, but I will be brief and say that I thought your safety pin idea was fantastic. When are the Phillipians and the Murrays going to double date? I'm not getting any younger here...
Lynley the field I was in is out of sight from the road and professional photogs go out there all the time to shoot. Surely you have seen my mom's two different life size portraits of our family pre-Ethan... those were taken professionally out there in the grassy knoll.
Stupid blogger has messed up twice while posting this comment!!!
Anyway, I completely agree about being the best parent you can be. Stay at home and working moms both have tough lives and pros and cons. No one should criticize the other. Lord knows we all need encouragement and support in the motherhood world. When did you start working outside of the home? What are you doing?
I am so tired of people making the stay at home/working arguement about divorce preparation. Since when did that become a step or a factor in parenting?
Carley flexes her feet when she poops. Does that count as concentration?
Kati loves Veggie Puffs also! LOVES as in she gets more excited about seeing the container than she does for seeing me the Doodlebops or ANYTHING!!! She goes nuts for those stars! She eats them ALL - and has moved up to the wagonwheels of the same thing (shorter can), but still prefers the stars! They can go to VPA (like AA, but for Veggie Puffs) together. I figure they can start VPA when they turn 3 or 4, but definitely before Kindergarten. They may get made fun of for their addiction! You do make me laugh! I love the Blogs!
I am in complete agreement about the ridiculousness of divorce preparation. I feel like this type of attitude just dooms marriages from the start. Hasn't anyone ever heard of working though the hard times instead of just giving up altogether? Sadly, our own perspectives would probably cause quite a stir among many Americans who have been taught that quitting is always an option.
As for Isaac's quirks, I love that you posted this! I may have to do the same for Jackson. Jackson also is a big proponent of holding lotion or diaper rash cream while getting his diaper changed. He also has a favorite "Finding Nemo" stacking cup that he enjoys chewing on during diaper changes. The worst is when he has none of these items during diaper changing time and decides he needs to roll over mid-change. This can be quite messy when he gets away from me, and when he doesn't get away from me, I feel like I am bruising his poor ankles, I am holding on so tight! I love the safety pin idea. I will definitely have to start implementing that.
I did not attend Divorce Preparedness 101, and bailed on college before I graduated, so I would like to know where you can find some Stick With Marraige 602 classes? And, the fruit puffs are quite addictive as well. You should give them a try as well.
Ashley--I still stay at home. Sorry if I made it sound like I have an outside job:) Also, CONGRATS on the new niece!
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