Monday, April 07, 2008

The Beast

I feel as if an important topic as failed to be addressed so far on, which is a complete lack of responsible blogging on my part.

We must discuss the Little Tikes cozy coupe/grocery shopping cart combo.

Such combination is a joy yet sheer torture all rolled up into one insane device.

Normally I refrain from taking both children to the grocery store by myself when I have to do our serious shopping because of shopping cart issues. If we just have to grab a few items, E. goes in the front of the basket and Isaac rides in the back along with our purchases. He makes sure to sit far from E.'s curious hands which always want to grab her brother's blond locks. I pass out a few snacks and some sippy cups and we all have a good time. This combination does not work when I need the entire basket for our groceries.

Due to our busy weekend, no grocery shopping occurred until today. Knowing that I would have both children in tow and be minus a husband (sometimes we all shop together, each taking a cart, a kid, and half of the list), I knew the only option was to visit our local grocery that had the Little Tikes Cozy Coupe/grocery cart combo. Isaac could ride in the cozy coupe and E. would ride in the front of the cart. Problem solved.

(Sidenote: Although many stores have carts with two seats up front, these do not work for us...mainly because it puts the children in close proximity where they can bug each other until everyone ends up crying. Including myself. We have not reached the stage where everyone can ride side-by-side drama-free. Also, Isaac is responsible enough to walk next to the cart. However, I must have a good three hours to spare if he does walk because the child does not really know the meaning of the word "hurry." Bless his heart.)

Yet my problem is not solved by the Cozy Coupe/grocery cart combo because despite the fact both children are safely secured and happy, I am now responsible for steering this beast. Coordination is not my strong suite, so maneuvering a large grocery cart with a full size child's toy attached to the front is tricky. During shopping trips were such carts are necessary, I often find myself praying the entire time that I do not knock over any expensive store display of Corningware or accidentally trip an elderly person, causing her to break a hip. Seriously.

Today I found myself pushing/pulling/cursing this Coupe/cart combo around the grocery store. We traveled down the coffee aisle because I was in desperate need of more Dunkin Donuts coffee. It was there we encountered a man, his wife, and employee eagerly studying the baking ware section. They seemed to be oblivious to the fact that an unskilled Mommy was attempting to push the mother of all carts past them because none of the three made an effort to move themselves or their carts. After a few meek, "Excuse me's" that went unnoticed (apparently the bake ware was quite fascinating) my non confrontational self decided to simply turn the cart around and head back from the direction I came.

It was then that I had an awful Austin Powers moment (think Austin and the golf cart) where the Coupe/Cart combo became wedged horizontally in the aisle. After several attempts to calmly get us turned around, I began to panic. I have a bit of claustrophobia and such tight situations can shoot my anxiety levels through the roof (just ask Tobe about how I about passed out last night when a shirt became stuck half-way down my face when I attempted to put it on without removing the large towel wrapped around my wet hair). For a moment I contemplated grabbing the children and abandoning ship, but I knew we needed the items in our cart. Finally I was able to get us slowly turned around and headed out of the aisle, a cold sweat dripping down my back.

The beast was eventually parked back in the cart return and no elderly people were harmed in the process.

As I was putting E. into her car seat, I did realize that she had shoplifted some cheese (I had let her hold onto the wrapped block of cheese while we shopped because it made her so served as a nice teething ring). It was pricey white cheddar, so I had to take it back inside (along with the children) and pay for it. I'd hate for the girl to have a criminal record before her first birthday.


Sydni said...

Thanks again for the laugh. Truly, I appreciate your humor and story-telling skills.

Kelli said...

That is funny! I loathe those things. When they are sitting outside in the parking lot I have been known in the past to walk all the way around the lot so that it is out of eyesight for the kids. It truly is a beast. At least Isaac is a light one though... add twenty pounds to him in front and you'll knock down a gaggle of elderly.

The Binkley Family said...

Oh, I hated those carts too, but Zach begged to ride in them! They are absolutely horrible to steer!

Shanta said...

whew! what an outing. That's why I find every excuse to hole up at home. :)

Amy said...

That was the best laugh I've had in a while. Why? B/c I completely relate:) Very well written!

Jennifer said...

this is too weird. I just used this thing today and on the way home thought to myself that I really needed to blog about this contraption. I hate it and wonder if the crazy person that designed it ever used it with their 2 kids? My experience today was nuts and I was not sure why I caved and allowed the coupe in the first place!

Paige said...

I can totally relate. Love your stories!