One of the happiest days and one of the saddest days..

It is past midnight and sleep will not come. My poor husband is asleep on the loveseat as he tried to keep me company while I flipped channels in attempt to avoid thinking. Fortunately the Tyra show was on O.

There have been two days in my life so far filled with unspeakable joy: the first being the day Tobe said he wanted to marry me and the second being the day I got a positive on a pregnancy test. That second day of joy happened a year ago today. I know most people say that the happiest days were their wedding day and the birth of their children. For me, it was the day that laid the foundation for such events that holds the most joy. I will never forget sitting across from Tobe at Razoo's (don't you think of Razoo's when you think of romantic) and us understanding that what was once a deep friendship had become a lifelong commitment. And I will never forget coming home from work a year ago today and taking a pregnancy test to prove to myself I wasn't pregnant, only to discover that I was. It was an answered prayer after months of trying and praying. The story of taking the pregnancy test and telling Tobe is quite funny and will be shared on another day. But that joy my heart felt when I realized God had blessed us with a child is indescribable. It is hard to believe that we have known Isaac for a whole year now.

A year ago as Tobe and I rejoiced in the news of our growing family, we did not know that a year later we would be grieving a loss in our family. My maternal grandfather had a heart attack on Sunday and appeared to simply have the stomach bug. My mom called tonight and said that my dad ( who happens to be my grandfather's doctor) thought we needed to come because things had taken a sudden turn. She then called back twenty minutes later to simply say that my grandfather was gone. I sit here and stare at the blinking cursor, trying to think of what to tell you readers next. As a Christian, I KNOW that my grandfather is in a much better place. I know that the Lord has welcomed him into Heaven and has said, "Well done, My good and faithful servant." I also know that I just saw my grandfather on Saturday and he was healthy and vibrant, wanting to show off Isaac to all his fellow retirement community members. He kept saying, "This is my great-grandson who can read." Just four days ago I was sitting with him in the floor of their apartment, watching Isaac roll over again and again. My mind cannot comprehend the finality of passing, although my faith understands it clearly.

For me, November 29th will always carry great significance from now on. It is a day of beginnings and endings. How thankful I am that God blessed me with a child and gave me the responsibility of raising a Christian man. How thankful I am that my grandfather was close with my husband and was able to know our firstborn. How grateful I am there was no suffering or pain. How blessed I am to have known such a man as my grandfather and to have been influenced by his character.

In a few short hours, Isaac and I will be boarding an airplane to Little Rock to be with the rest of our family. Tobe will be joining us there shortly. Together, with our precious little boy, we will say good-bye to PawPaw.