Hey, Lady!

Apparently after birthing a child, I have become "Direction Lady." Perhaps the fact that I am toting a baby around gives people the idea that they should seek me out to ask directions. When Isaac was a just a few weeks old, he and I were shopping together at Joann's Fabrics. A little boy and his mother were having an in-depth conversation about what to do should they become separated. He seemed very preoccupied with the notion that he could be come lost while on their craft shopping spree. His mother instructed him to simply find an employee or another Mommy and tell that person he is lost. The little boy then looked at me and said, "Like that Mommy?" I immediately filled with pride as being a noticeable Mom, a label that holds respect and authority.

That label of "Mommy" also seems to mean "Ask me for directions." I think someone asks me for directions, specific aisles in the grocery store, or a good salon at least twice a week. Did birthing a child provide me with an appearance of wisdom? Just this morning as Isaac and I were booking it down the street on our walk, a man stopped us to ask where the nearest doughnut shop was. Last week in the afternoon we were stopped by a group of older citizens asking where to buy beer (this is the truth! Unfortunately our neighborhood Beer Barn was torn down for the new Main Street Station, so I had to direct them to Albertsons). The ironic thing about this is that I am directionally-challenged. Outside of eighth grade geography class, I had never actually used a map in real life until moving to the Metroplex. Who needs a map in a town with a population of 15,000? You just need to know where the Super Wal-Mart is and all directions are based from that point. Despite the fact that I attended college 500 miles away from home, I never used a map in any of my treks to and from school. My inexperience with maps and directions has proved to be an interesting dichotomy in the early years of marriage and life in the big city. Tobe's expression when he realized I had no clue as to how to use the Mapsco was priceless.

I am thinking of charging a small fee in exchange for the directions I give. Isaac really wants to upgrade from his Graco stroller to a Bugaboo. Perhaps this is just the means to do so, regardless of the fact that just last week reader Paige asked me how to get to the Grapevine Botanical Gardens---a place I walk by and drive by at least once a day---and I struggled to give her clear directions.
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As a sidenote, I feel the need to address Terri Hatcher's appearance on Oprah this week. I saw about ten minutes of the episode, which was tragic as any report on child sexual abuse tends to be. My comment is about Oprah After the Show. Oprah After the Show is a program that airs on the Oxygen network. It is thirty more minutes of Oprah that was not aired on ABC and the conversation tends to be a bit lighter and more whimsical. During this time, Oprah commented to Terri Hatcher how she really liked Terri's dress and questioned it's size. Terri replied very flippantly, "Oh it's a zero." Oprah made some retort. Then Terri made the comment "I am not anorexic....I love to eat too much to be anorexic. I just have a fast metabolism. "

Give me a break! I watched Lois and Clark 13 years ago, Terri, and you weren't a size 0. You were a realistic size 6 or 8. Did your body do the exact opposite of what Science has said the body does over time and your metabolism mysteriously sped-up? It irritates me to no end that actresses are speaking out about being a good role model for girls, yet continue to remain size 0's. How can so many people just happen to have "fast metabolisms"? Just admit it ladies---you smoke like a chimney to suppress the appetite, you never eat carbs, and you work out seven days a week. At least Elizabeth Hurley is being honest with her fans when she acknowledged retreating to Elton John's castle and eating only cabbage soup after the birth of her son and that she often goes to bed very sad and very hungry.