Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The One Where I Discuss the Restroom

Being a "Mommy Blogger" allows me to discuss all sorts of Mommy-related topic here at savethephillipsfamily.blogspot.com.

I have pretty much discussed everything, from wild duck attacks to flying placentas (#42). Basically my Mommy-life is an open book for the Internet to enjoy.

One topic I have yet to discuss, due to its sensitive nature, is about to be thrown out there for all of the world wide web to read and contemplate.

It is The Mommy Potty Break.

Before having children, I never understood that one day that making a trip to the restroom would become equivalent to a covert operation in the military. I did not realize that I would most likely have four little eyes staring at me every time I made a trip to the facilities during the children's awake hours. I never knew of the questions that could come from little one's mouths and that they would feel the need to comment on every aspect of the restroom process.

Then I had two lovely children and now I have an audience in the bathroom on most occasions.

Good-bye, privacy.

Perhaps the whole labor process should have been the indication that my ol friend, Privacy, was gone for good once I strapped on that badge which read, "Mommy."

Not only is using the restroom at home an exciting moment for those in the three foot and under crowd, it also proves to be an exciting moment for all of us when out in public.

Back in the days when both children were still in strollers full-time, I never really contemplated using a public restroom. Sure, I had a captive audience and yes there would be questions...but I was getting that at home so it was not a big deal.

Then the oldest child began to be at the stage where the stroller is not really an option on everyday outings. And now the youngest child is usually stroller-free as well.

And the public restroom becomes a place of pure fear.

Although I try to avoid liquids and not eat too much while out just to avoid the Mommy Potty Break, there are times when I have to haul myself and both children into a restroom. Upon entering there are the instructions not to touch anything or put anything in one's mouth, not to sit down, and whatever anyone does absolutely DO NOT go near the door.

It is here that I must ask why we, as women and mommies, allow for bathrooms to have easily opened doors without latches placed at the very top to prevent curious hands from opening them at crucial moments?

Why has a woman not marketed some sort of portable fence/playpen that can be used in the public restroom to reign children in for those 2.7 seconds needed to take care of one's business?

Why have the Mommies of the world not united against stall doors and walls built with a large two foot gap at the bottom, perfect for little ones to quickly squeeze under at the precise moment Mommy cannot grab them?

Seriously there has to be some sort of Mommy entrepreneur out there inventing something to make the whole Mommy potty break much less terrifying.

Needless to say, I had an encounter with the Mommy Potty Break today. After dropping off Isaac at preschool, Evelyn and I headed off to bible study (Beth Moore's Esther study....just giddy over this one!). Well I drank a bit too much OJ and then a bit too much iced tea at lunch (E. and I had girl's lunch out since she did so well in class). After finishing our meals at "our" favorite girly spot (I am convinced E. will love it as much as me one day...even if they do not sell french fries nor chicken nuggets. She did taste some iced tea with lime and loved it.), it was time for the potty break.


E. was on a roll this morning, being exceptionally cute and darling. Some Luther Vandross song came on over the restaurant's speakers and that girl became a dancing fool. The girl who usually hates when strangers look at her was quite the entertainer for all the tables around us. She was chatty, she was full of expression, and she was down right darling.

Until we went to the restroom.

Evelyn stood in the assigned spot in the restroom, with her sweet little smile plastered on her face. She was enthralled with the floral decor and was discussing the "pink fow-ders" animatedly. I soon began to feel confident that this restroom experience was going to be okay, that I would be able to leave with my dignity in tact.

It was then that E. discovered the doorknob...the door knob that someone installed who must have never, ever taken small children into a public restroom with them.

Just as E exclaimed, "Oh, Mommy, open door!" and proceeded to act on her statement, I was able to grab the door and pull it shut. I imagine the majority of the small eatery heard my screams as I did so.

Good-bye, dignity. Have fun whooping it up with my former friend Privacy. The two of you sure will be missed...

The Mommy Potty Break....just another reason why motherhood is oh, so glamorous.


Kelly said...

I'm just now discovering all of this, b/c Tate is just recently at the stage of not being in the stoller as much. Although I have been known to keep Tate strapped in a shopping cart and lug him and the whole thing inside the handicapped bathroom at Target. I can't imagine the looks/thoughts of others in the bathroom. :)

PS: I'm on week #3 of the Esther study myself. I've done several of her studies in the past, and I think this ranks as one of my favs for sure!

Jennifer Reinsch said...

I have to admit that I giggled when I read this, but I also have to add a "bless your heart."

Jennifer said...

so so true but there will come an age where you can explain the whole "privacy" thing and they will get it. I remember a time, not too long ago, where life was just as you described it. Now, the boys know that mom needs her "privazee" and they give me a few seconds alone.

Now the mall/outing experience is another story!!

brianchante said...

Too funny.

Becky B. has quite a funny bathroom story about Payton yelling out. Saying "Whoa mom, who made that smell, their stomach must really hurt, do you think it is the person with the green shoes". Then after a feeble attempt to get him to stop. He said "Och, Mom why did you pinch me?"

Maybe we should write one of those books for the bathroom. It could be full of all the embarassing but funny for others bathroom stories.

Paige said...

I love it when they ask:
Mommy are you going teetee or SHEWWEEE?

Antique mommy has a great story of her son opening the door while at mommy and me swim lessons!!! It is a few years old, but HILARIOUS!!!!

Amy said...

This too made me chuckle, and think bless her heart!!

My daughter is old enough now to understand pants down = door closed. My son stays firmly strapped (usually with screaming) since I do not trust him to obey and stay put.

Amy said...

This one should really be published!! Thanks for a great read!!:)