Learn From My Mistakes, People

*Originally Published August 29, 2007*

Tips from the Trenches:

Here are a few tips I learned in my neverending role as Mommy today:


Give your toddler a shiny green apple. This will entertain him for at least 30 minutes as he sits on the kitchen floor munching away happily, lost in his thoughts.


Holding your prone-to-spit-up 3 month old above your head five minutes after eating in order to get a giggle out of her will cause her to spit up. Into your mouth.


Trains and small children don’t always result in laughter and fun. As we were out this morning I noticed our local train chugging up ahead of us. Being the savvy Mommy that I am, I pulled a U-turn (not knowing there was a police officer behind me—fortunately he did not seem to notice my traffic violation) in order for us to stop in a parking lot right next to the train tracks. I hurriedly grabbed Isaac from his car seat, anxious to see his utter joy as the train whizzed past us. What I did not expect was the loud screams that would come out of both of my children’s mouths as the train blew its whistle. Loud screams, my friend. Isaac calmed down rather quickly, until the conductor (who was only 10 feet from us by this point) noticed this sweet blonde hair boy watching the train and decided to blow the whistle again. It took five minutes to get them both calmed down and for all screaming and crying to subside. Hopefully they both will not shudder in fear every time we cross a railroad track in the near future.


Two year olds feel like an open sandbox makes the perfect resting spot for a half-eaten Popsicle.


If you watch an EBay auction’s final minutes over the phone with your mother, you most likely will end up bidding on an item in the final 12 seconds out of the sheer excitement of the moment. Then you will do an unfortunate dance of joy while shouting, “I won! I won!” to which your husband will remind you that you actually have to pay for such item.